He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
