Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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