I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
