Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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