All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
