Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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