Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
