sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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