i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
