Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
