Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
