im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
