No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We left the knife in your bed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
