Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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