i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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