I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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