Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
