Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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