is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
