Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
