My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
