I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
