Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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