You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
