Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
