if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
