oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The Olympian is in my bed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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