I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We just shotgunned beers for America
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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