me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
