It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
whose ass print is on the piano?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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