Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
