we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
no you cant smoke seaweed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He did a backflip because drugs
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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