I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
