dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
