Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have post one night stand depression
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