is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
