I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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