walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
