its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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