i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
