used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
