margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
