Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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