Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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