here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
