Can i not drive my cunt home
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
