On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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