im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
