i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
