if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
